MALE BONDING Chicago Dads enjoy a little manly cameraderie.

Photo: Peter Bryan

When a playgroup consisting solely of kids with their dads meets midweek in a public place, it’s usually regarded with some degree of curiosity.

“We were all at a playground and a woman came up to us and said, ‘Did I miss a holiday?’ ” recalls Ruben Koolman, who has been a member of Chicago Dads, a local social and networking group for stay-at-home dads (SAHDs), for two years.

This ‘holiday’ playgroup actually takes place every Thursday morning at different spots around Chicago. Each month, one member-dad organizes and posts the location on the group’s website, chicagodads.com. In warm weather, it’s normally at a neighborhood play lot. When it’s cold, playdates are set up at a museum (usually one with free admission) or park district facility (Garfield Park Conservatory is a favorite). The more daring dads sometimes host at their own homes.

That’s a daunting prospect considering that Chicago Dads has 50 members—the largest of the 35 registered groups on the nationwide athomedad.com database.

Chicago Dads is run a little more loosely than most moms groups: The meeting time (10:30am–12:30pm), like the location, is more of an approximation than a specific. A playdate at the Museum of Science and Industry, for example, met “somewhere around the trains.” This laid-back approach to the playdates—which have no agenda, no story time, no snack time, no obligatory anything—epitomizes the group (and probably the parenting styles of men versus women). It’s all voluntary, all free and all types of dads are welcome. “Some [of us] work full-time, part-time or work at home. Some are retired or are at-home dads,” says Cliff McIntosh, a member who returned to the workforce when his kids enrolled in school.

The group utilizes its website for everything from setting up impromptu sledding dates to soliciting advice on pediatricians to tips on how to score a free taco. Every month, the fathers get together—sans kids—for Dads’ Night Out at a local watering hole.

The relationships formed through the group—among the parents as much as among the kids—seem to endure. One of the original members, now a grandfather, stays in touch with the group. An expat organized a playdate when he was in town for the weekend from Los Angeles.

“The atmosphere is low key and one of sincere friendship and camaraderie,” says Mike Biewenga, a Chicago SAHD since 2005, who volunteers a considerable amount of time as the group’s Web master. Last year, Biewenga merged the Chicago Dads site into athomedad.org.

The self-monitored site, with groups across the country, has the same welcoming, respectful attitude as the founding Chicago Dads group. Posted on it are articles about the SAHD trend, parenting issues, humor columns, personal announcements and rants, plus recipes that range from kid-centered to home brewing.

The site, like the playgroup, provides a forum to commiserate over the joys and woes of being a SAHD.

The increasing popularity of the site mirrors the latest U.S. Census Bureau numbers: There were 159,000 SAHDs last year, up from 143,000 in 2006. (Those numbers only account for fathers who are not in the workforce.) It’s part of a steadily rising trend over the past decade.

Members of Chicago Dads say they know the real work that happens at home. Like many moms, they don’t want to “subcontract” parenting and miss out on the reward that comes with the work.

“I wanted to be a SAHD—something my wife was willing to put up with,” says John Gilroy, who balances six-month-old Orla with toddler Oscar. “I would be working 60 hours a week otherwise and never see them. I feel privileged to be at home with my kids.”

Play dates take place every Thursday, and the next Dads’ Night Out is May 31st. Info on both can be found at chicagodad.org.