SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Bruce Weber (12-18, 4-13)

WHERE TO WATCH

Schoolyard, 3258 N Southport Ave (773-528-8226)

SPECIALS

$3 Miller bottles, $4 22-oz Miller Lite stadium cups (adorned with the Illini logo); half-price wings, $5 mac-n-cheese–bites

GRAD RATE

80%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“It’s no coincidence that the team has fallen on hard times since Chief Illiniwek retired.”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Dan Dakich, interim (25-5, 14-3)

WHERE TO WATCH

Kirkwood Bar & Grill, 2934 N Sheffield Ave (773-770-0700)

SPECIALS

$3 Miller bottles, $4 22-oz Miller Lite stadium cups (adorned with the Hoosiers logo); $1.50 mini burgers, half-price wings

GRAD RATE

78%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“They should really think about bringing back Bob Knight after the Kelvin Sampson debacle.”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Todd Lickliter (13-18, 6-12)

WHERE TO WATCH

Merkle’s Bar & Grill, 3516 N Clark St (773-244-1025)

SPECIALS

$3 22-oz Bud Light and Miller Lite drafts; 25¢ wings

GRAD RATE

47%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“Herky the Hawkeye won’t be making the trip to Indy since he caught the bird flu.”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

John Beilein (9-20, 5-12)

WHERE TO WATCH

Duffy’s, 420 W Diversey Pkwy (773-549-9090)

SPECIALS

$25 “hoops buffet” of pub grub that includes wells, wine, soda and domestic drafts (Thu, Fri 10am–3pm)

GRAD RATE

57%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“Wright, Sims, Udoh, Harris, Grady…there’s your new ‘Fab Five.’ ”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Tom Izzo (24-6, 12-5)

WHERE TO WATCH

The Gin Mill, 2462 N Lincoln Ave (773-549-3232)

SPECIALS

$8 Coors Light, Bud Light, Miller Lite, Bud and MGD pitchers

GRAD RATE

67%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“How tough is State? Youtube the video of Sparty kicking Mr. Potato’s ass. I mean, picking on vegetables?”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Tubby Smith (18-11, 8-9)

WHERE TO WATCH

Redmond’s, 3358 N Sheffield Ave (773-404-2151)

SPECIALS

$3 European drafts (Guinness and Bass, among others) as well as $4 Absolut cocktails

GRAD RATE

38%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“Can you explain to me how Kevin McHale, Garrison Keillor and Prince hail from the ‘Land of 10,000 Lakes’?”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Bill Carmody (8-20, 1-16)

WHERE TO WATCH

Tommy Nevin’s, 1450 Sherman Ave, Evanston (847-869-0450)

SPECIALS

When you win just one Big Ten game, your “home bar” waits till the Big Dance for the promos ($8 Sam Adams pitchers, Sony flat-screen TV giveaways).

GRAD RATE

89%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“After this season, the University of Chicago Maroons are poised to replace the Wildcats in the Big Ten.”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Thad Motta (18-12, 9-8)

WHERE TO WATCH

McGee’s Tavern, 950 W Webster Ave (773-549-8200)

SPECIALS

$7 32-oz domestic draws and giveaways like T’s, keychains and drinking gloves.

GRAD RATE

40%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“How’s Greg Oden faring in his rookie year with the Trail Blazers?”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Ed DeChellis (14-15, 6-11)

WHERE TO WATCH

Dark Horse Tap and Grille, 3443 N Sheffield Ave (773-248-4400)

SPECIALS

Depending on the day (and how loud the Nittany Lions roar) you can score a Smithwick’s or a Guinness for $3 as well as $4 vodka Red Bulls.

GRAD RATE

64%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“The Nittany Nation takes a back-seat to only the Yankees nation in terms of popularity across the country.”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Matt Painter (23-7, 14-3)

WHERE TO WATCH

Durkin’s, 810 W Diversey Pkwy (773-525-2515)

SPECIALS

$20 scores you grazing rights to pub grub buffet as well as domestic draws and wells

GRAD RATE

91%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“Who ever heard of a team mascot being named after a drink?”

SCHOOL

COACH, RECORD (OVERALL, CONFERENCE)

Bo Ryan (25-4, 15-2)

WHERE TO WATCH

Will’s Northwoods Inn, 3030 N Racine Ave (773-528-4400)

SPECIALS

$3 European drafts (Guinness and Bass among others) as well as $4Absolut cocktails

GRAD RATE

67%

TALKING POINTS (IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HORSE’S ARSE)

“I heard Brett Favre is planning on walking on to the squad in time for the NCAA tournament.”